As I watch my new shop come to life, I am repeatedly reminded of why I would be useless on a construction site. After making furniture for over ten years, my perspective is completely skewed. The things we tend to worry about in a wood shop are almost laughable to a construction crew. Perfectly straight boards? Thousandths of an inch? HA! Keep dreaming. These guys would have a whole wall up by the time I have my first 2×4 jointed and planed. So this revelation inspired me to come up with the top 10 questions that would get me kicked off a construction site…… immediately.
1 – Does this pink half-mask respirator make my face look fat?
2 – Are you seriously going to make that circular saw cut with no guide?
3 – My .5mm pencil keeps breaking while marking for these studs, can I borrow yours?
4 – Did anyone bring a jointer so I can straighten out this 2×4?
5 – You do realize that’s an end-grain to long-grain joint, right?
6 – I brought my nail gun from home. 18 gauge should be OK, right?
7 – Sheesh, don’t people make houses WITHOUT metal fasteners anymore?!?!
8 – Seriously?! No glue on that joint?!
9 – Don’t these guys know that cabinet-grade plywood holds up better than OSB?!?!
10 – Are you kidding me? No WiFi?!?!
There are so many more I could come up with. So what would get you kicked off a construction site?
that made me laugh. hard.
Just a few gems heard from my job site days from many years ago:
“Just nail it, we ain’t building cabinets!”
“If we set this wall plumb it won’t match the others” ( doing storm and fire rebuilds)
” A two inch gap in the sheetrock? Leave it, tape will cover it”
“Just make a pattern, there’s no need to measure again”
” 57 and a half plus two little marks”
“Cut to the left side of the mark”
“Leave it for the painter”
” The floor drops how much?” (remodeling)
I grew up in the family sheetmetal shop so this stuff was alien to me. You had to be waaaay more precise with sheet metal. Now when my bro’-in-law, who is a very fine finish carpenter comes in my shop and sees the dial calipers and the 1/1000″ measurement incra tools he just scratches his head. But still, our work is only as good as we are determined to make it, no matter which craft we choose; or how precise we measure.
Marc! Drop in a line or two of ceiling duplexes for your camera/ lighting positions.
Another idea: a ceiling mounted track out of sliding garage door hardware, and a carriage for camera! Gets all that stuff off the floor! Less tripods. Pantogram arm from and old screw jack for height adjustment.
Just saying…
well, I don’t use lights anymore so no need for that. And frankly, the tripod allows me to get the camera right where I need it. There are just too many varied shots in a wood shop to make any sort of track feasible, as nice as it would be.
Hi all,
here’s one from Germany:
Can you tell me how much this is in millimeters?
“… the WHATric system?”
Got that done yet?
OK, Bob. I need that 2X4 stud cut to eight feet, three and fifteen thirty-seconds of an inch.
Wait until the electricians get there. Wouldn’t a hole saw leave a smoother surface in that stud than an auger bit? Those holes through the studs don’t line up exactly, won’t the wire be crooked? You should connect that Hole Hawg up to a dust collection system. Are those boxes going to be flush with the dywall?
A carpenter doing work for me frequently cuts 2×6 lumber holding the board in one hand below his waist, unsupported, cutting it with the circular saw he is holding in the other hand.
Makes me REALLLY shudder and cringe, having cut a finger tip with my circular saw once.
No, I’ve never had a foreman before. My wife usually tells me what to do.
The foreman ‘s reply to above comments …
You idiot, were not building the replacement for the space shuttle!
You want me to work in this heat?
You expect me to join wood only with nails?
Aren’t you going to sand that? Someone might get a splinter!
Do you have to swear quite so much? It really won’t get things made any quicker, you know.
Hey guys! Would anyone like to borrow my deodorant?
Oh, so you prefer wood butchery?
I don’t believe it! Did you see that? That guy just hammered a screw in. No pilot hole, no nothing, just hammered it in. Is that the usual quality of workmanship around here?
What’s a nail gun?
I don’t usually get sweaty doing woodwork. Do you?
You want me to use this wood? Can’t we wait for it to dry out properly?
here, you can use my tapemeasure, that i borrowed from my wifes sewing kit
why does the x mean thats where the stud goes
So what are your thoughts on Chris Becksvoort’s speed tenons? Well, here’s what I think…
Aren’t you going to sweep up that mess?
Just make sure they’re not using the jobsite saw without the fence. I’d hate for it to be known that the next major tablesaw lawsuit originated at the Wood Whisperer’s house.
Hey Guys, what do you think of my new speedo?!
What? You don’t pre-drill a pilot hole before screwing that in?
You’re seriously joining those 2X4′s without a Domino?
Do you have any sushi in you taco truck?
I think you would get kicked off the construction site if you said, “Yes, that’s my Audi, I don’t like to bring my Beamer to places like this.”
Honey, look how they’re tossing their Starrett at the construction site. What? What do you mean you lent them mine because they forgot their speed square?
“Did you keep the panels loose to allow for seasonal movement?”
I did and do live in both worlds from time to time. Though my fulltime job has nothing to do with woodworking, I both do rough carpentry and fine furniture. I’m slowly trying to build a side business building custom furniture and craft items. I’ve taken some pretty crappy tools (I buy what I can afford and get better as the budget allows) and turned out some pretty fine pieces. At the same time I pay a portion of my horse board by trading out work at the barn, working for a guy who has to be forced to throw a scrap of wood onto the bonfire. I bought a couple of pieces of lumber out of my own pocket and was read the riot act for wasting money. I’ve framed doors into walls for turnout stalls and built new window sashes. At the same time my current project is a dining room table and bench for a commission. I’ve also got a wooden kayak in the works.
No reason you can’t get in to the right brain for the task at hand.
“A hammer? what’s a hammer?”…”For driving nails? What’s a nail?”
This thread reminds me of a friend of mine who was a master craftsman. To make ends meet, he got a job doing construction work. He was too slow and fussy about his work, and someone said to him “Hey! his isn’t cabinet work!” So he quit and got a job in a cabinet shop–was still too fussy, and someone told him “Hey! this isn’t piano making!” So he quit and built instruments for a living. True story.
DD
Before we rig up those saw horses, let me do a quick SketcUp of them to make sure they’ll work out right .
totally! I want to make sure it works out in SketchUp as well!
Will you tweet pic of me swinging this hammer?
Who’s making a Starbucks run? I want a frappuccino.
I have actually seen that happen on a job site lol.